okay, so i have some confessions to make (mostly to myself). i've been completely out of my own pocket. ever been in the mindset where you're somehow both aware of the forces affecting you and completely unaware of how they're actually taking their effects? november and december were a mess. m*lly and benders all weekend, shows every night, too many ubers, and poorly advised emotional decisions. SO! here is my TRIED and TRUE methodology and cheat sheet for stumbling your way through your next big breakup!
shortlists
the rebound stage
inevitable rebound with quirked up white boy with a little bit of swag (ill-fated). this is going to be very fun and then it is going to suck so bad. but look at kim kardashian and pete davidson. it's a law of nature, and the fun part is going to be so much fucking fun until it ends and makes everything ten times worse for five days. the good news? once the rebound ends, you're ready to move on.
no one is immune to the rebound effect. no matter if you were dumped or did the dumping, being in a relationship is growing accustomed to having someone else to hold you. every time you have a thought, an opportunity, an idea or an emotion, whether good or bad, you have someone to turn to with that feeling. so of course the natural response is to turn to someone else, and revel in the new familiar sharing feeling. BUT IT'S A LIE! you have to learn to hold your own feelings again, and even if you know this, you are going to fail. you are going to fall too heavily into something that should have been a hookup. unless you're, like, some kind of master or emotional supersoldier. and even then i don't really buy that. i've done it kind of twice in a row already.
the friendship thing
be friends with your ex~! have fun! go to the bar a week after he leaves you and nitpick the reasons that your relationship failed so spectacularly, get wasted before sunset on shitty beer-shot combos (the kind that come in plastic shot glasses), call your dad sobbing at 7:30pm on the fire escape, and then go sit in a drunken stupor of silence at your friends' house until 5am. call an overpriced uber home and repeat something of this ilk at least two more times. when you can no longer make it through the hang time with ex without crying in front of them, you know it's time for the next step.
(this is the point where u go no contact, by the way, or minimal at most. he's going to do something so incredibly stupid and you're going to be so glad it's not ur problem -- even if you forget that at first.) which brings us to step 3,
remind yourself it happened
don't get me wrong -- do what u must do, as a rite of passage, destroy some photo of the two of you, or burn an old t-shirt, but this is the later stage. you're going to have moments when you feel hopeless, and when you feel different, and when you feel all of the sparkle has gone out of you or all of the excitement has rushed out of your life. of course it feels that way. there's a reason change is represented in tarot by the figure of death. and big changes really feel different than small ones. the point being, if you're like me and you're the kind of person to beat urself up about random things (and if you're not, u might become one!) that is normal. of course u feel weird. of course u feel anxious. of course u feel empty. but i think that these ideas of feeling "empty", of a post-breakup self, have become so aggrandized that they've lost their nuance. feeling it is a different story. so yes, let yourself experience your feelings, but also remind yourself why you're experiencing them. it's like a bad trip. remind yourself that these changes are not permanent, remember it will end. this is how u start to grow.
let yourself have fun
but your way. don't force yourself into the light unless you want to . do what you want. stay at home and finally watch that series u wanted to watch but never did. list of shows i've been watching:
- mad men
- succession
- aggretsuko
- sense8
- sex and the city
- downton abbey
- cowboy bebop
- spongebob (from beginning 2 end as hillenberg intended)
watch yourself reconnect with urself and the world. it's like watching one of those dollar store sponge capsules that turns into an animal shape after 15 minutes in water. marinate ! lately ive been feeling off at parties, shows, feeling like i don't remember how to act or fit in. so i leave when i start worrying more than i'm enjoying myself. if i get 2 drunk i lay off it for a day or two. it feels boring, i feel boring sometimes and i feel embarrassed that i'm not the last to leave the party, the most wild one there, something i don't even understand my own drive to do other than believing that's what everyone wants from me (more anxiety). but listen to the parts of yourself you trust, and brush off the ones that you don't. allow yourself to make stupid decisions, forgive yourself for making mistakes, and remember that this is a period of growth and true growth often doesn't feel easy.
a/n: i began writing this in january of 2022, and left it incomplete, as it was still too raw to approach objectively. at this point in time, i feel more confident in the truth of what i'm feeling, and what i've written here. who knows what time will continue to bring
No comments:
Post a Comment