so little sleep I almost drove myself insane

reading: What is the What by Dave Eggers

listening: 80s Japanese ambient and old Ke$ha

watching: rewatching Neon Genesis Evangelion with my roommate, Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations

t-3s all systems go for launch!

okayyyy, so this past weekend was a whirlwind chaos of shows and late nights and missed trains and anxiety but I made it through and looked amazing thee whole time and met some new friends so overall a huge success! 

here's the brief debriefing, bc every single night was a chaotic spin of unexpected gifts and spontaneous encounters until I somehow stumbled into bed at 4AM on Monday with the need to sleep for a million years (or longer, if possible). 

Thursday: Doss in Manhattan

okay day 1 of our long and strange weekend is the Doss and Juliana Huxtable show at [secret location] ((Chelsea market)) on a Thursday evening. I honestly had no intentions of going to either show that night because I had big plans to watch TV and practice mixing but the Lord works in mysterious ways and my friend Henry hit me up with an extra ticket a mere 24 hours before showtime~! And so, from one branch sprouts another tree, I cop another ticket via Instagram comments for Lane, and on Thursday evening we're off to see the races. Or rather, the ravers.

Oh, and I can't forget the outfit (I almost forgot to mention it). I am a firm believer in James St. James á la club kid culture, and therefore am always an avid supporter of thee craziest possible clothes and accessories. Of course, I am also an avid supporter of dancing as much as possible, and therefore it is a hard and fast rule that nothing you wear should ever keep you from grooving to the music! Toeing the line between the two things is difficult, but can be walked with grace if you know what to look for. I suggest covert athletic gear (including swimsuits) and lots of crops/loose layers over it... example A

Jeans crafted by my roommate from Seattle, Chela, to whom I owe my life for pushing me confidently back into the world of crazy and club-kid-esque fashion. The jacket I got at the goodwill bins and is absolutely meant for hunting birds or something in the forest.

Probably my first club show in Manhattan, and I'll gladly admit that I had one too many strong drinks en route to location from my apartment in Brooklyn. But there is no simpler pleasure than brown bagging it on thee train from Brooklyn into the city,  it is how you say thee spice of life! 

And then to add a dumb decision to a silly one, upon meeting up with Henry we decide the club is not yet packed enough, and so to pass the time we should absolutely go buy another drink at the bodega down the street. I choose (irresponsibly) a Surge, because a regular White Claw just *wouldn't* have been strong enough (/s). Here's the pictures (u can judge for yourself!):

Yes. Los borrachos, it would seem. But fun is fun and we had lots of it! Doss was an amazing DJ, I would advise anyone who loves to go dance to see them post-haste. Also, the Chelsea Market had the best bathrooms of any club I've been to yet, with floor to ceiling doors and like eight clean and big private stalls. 

Epic opportunity for the cig break arises and here we meet new friends, or rather friends we had met briefly at the beginning of the show before going in. We are all very chic and glamorous and fun and I am in no way too drunk at this point at all!! 

lovely sexy cool tramp stamp on alex

Saturday: Melting Point NYCcccc

okay so Friday I actually did get some good rest for an evening, recording a mix for some people in Lebanon in the afternoon and working on some barbarian/druid/world of warcraft chic pieces. (more on that later once I have more of a collection to share!) I watched Bad Lieutenant II: Port of New Orleans with my roommates, which is a Werner Herzog movie from 2006 starring Nicholas Cage??? I was really very unsure about it when we started watching it but it was shockingly good??? Felt like Uncut Gems in some ways but with all of the classic Herzog elements peeking through (so much less harsh reality and more of the cynical irony?? and also just flagrant/humorous insanity at times???) ANYways finished that and went to sleep. Saturday was to be my Big Debut.

Of course, I'm not fooling myself or anyone and thinking I'm Tiesto now or something. I feel really honored to be asked to play and had a lot of fun playing whatever I wanted, I was trying a more experimental assemblage of genres and BPMs/rhythms than I typically play at a show. Early slots (I played 10:15-11PM) are really good opportunities to toy with the system and push the boundaries of a typical club/dance set. I like trance and psychedelic techno, so I like to have lots of gaps of breath, of wiggly synths and spoken word samples to carry the mind downstream along the river, which sometimes can be harder to pull off later in the evening or whatever,,,,,, anyways I had fun playing!!! <---- me talking too much

(admittedly I get nervous playing trance sometimes because it can be so hit or miss. RVA, I look fondly to you, because nowhere else yet have I dropped a Tiesto or Armin van Buuren song to so much unanimous cheering and crying. Only in Richmond have I experienced someone come up to me weeping with emotion after my set, and I thank you for that!) 

me and my wings -- best photo of my outfit that exists as I wore it to the rave! I was wearing some cool mad max style wedges with knit leg warmers too, but you'll have to image that urself

best photo to exist of me in thee makeshift booth and yes my wings did get stuck!

After I played I made a fatal error -- I left my controller in the booth. Yes, I doomed it to a nighttime of imprisonment, to be released at 4am the next morning or whenever the last DJ played... I dipped out around 2am to grab food and pass the time until the very end of the rave, because I felt like if I didn't get coffee and eat eggs right then in a nice diner I would die.... so Alex and I hopped on a bus that happened to be stopping by just then and ended up in Williamsburg at the Sunset Diner. Cannot praise this place highly enough for a genuine 24-hour experience, the servers are kind, the coffee is fresh and amazing, and while a patty melt seems steep at first at $12, I will say it was HUGE and fresh and tasty. 

2013 Tumblr famous type glamor shot!!!

of course, of all thee things to forget, turns out Melting Point was the first day of Mercury RETROGRADE, so of course, my efforts to ride a train or bus back to the venue to grab my stuff before 4:30AM were doomed by the stars to be futile... shout out to quetzal for lugging my controller and laptop back to their home and savingggg my ass in the end,,, <3 much love!!

N E ways on Sunday I rescued my gear from Quetzal's loving care, ended up loafing at the grove by accident for hours, and then was airlifted back 2 the sweet embrace of my apartment by friend (who has a car)! did not get to go to sleep until 5am again that night (another circumstance out of my control, I swear!) but rest assured that as I write this post, I did receive at least one full night of sleep. 

xoxo until next time!

sasha akafae

inside of u are 2 wolves

ahh, here it is again ~! the sweet apple crisp of fall, the crunchiness of the *oh so* play leaves, the back-to-school-vibes and shopping mall trips and new horizons... or whatever. Once u graduate college your whole outlook on the yearly cycle changes. weird 2 me how the american worldview sets us all up for this superstructured year2year existence where seasons have meaning and the passage of time is a noble parade. Personally, once I left university I realized that anytime could be any time I wanted it to be and I never looked back. Fading of holiday and seasonal cycles of consumption, etc etc, does anyone relate?

Anyways, the big plans for the day and every day are as follows: Neon Genesis Evangelion. Listen to 60s rock n' roll music. Read more books. Catch up on all of the sundry musical commitments I maaaay have made and not followed through on nearly as quickly as I wanted to --! And not go out almost at all OwO. In a hyper-post-ironic sort of way I have moved to the hustling and bustling New York City with the core intention of settling into the routine of my work and spending most of my passing time in my room [meme where the guy's like "where do u work out?" "at the library" except it's me in my room].

Anyways, as it still is autumn and this is supposed 2 b where I show off all of my glamorous, highly sought after looks and outfits, I'll let u all in on thee little secrets of my fall wardrobe covets. With pictures, of course. 

A/N: ended up walking with Alex to Bushwick and Halsey to check out a basement room in an apartment that he's looking at, but walks are very invigorating and good for the mind, body, soul, etc. I can be quite the homebody during the day so it is always nice to have some inspiration to leave the house for a moment

Here I am in my favorite vintage Hollister skirt, thrifted sheepskin boots, thrifted Gucci Snooki purse, silk tank top, necklaces from vacation when I was 10

inside of u there are 2 wolves

okay, before we get 2 the nitty gritty, let's address this 1st. Inside of you, there are inevitably two wolves. 1 of them is the Cool Wolf. This wolf is up on all of the hippest underground trends, rides the current of 2thaminute style effortlessly, and is a posh, developed Adult, whatever that means to you. This is the wolf half of you that wants to carry forth the mature and effortless-looking style of fashion magazines or the business world or even just a classy minimalist outfit (maybe., u get my drift?). 

wolf #2 is a little baby toddler child. The inner one. The one that just got told by mommy that it's allowed to wear whatever it wants to the first day of school this year and is about to put together the most heinously fantastic outfit the world has ever seen on a 6 year old. 

your mission, should you choose to accept it (and pls do! live dangerously but never unfashionably) is to find the HOLY MATRIMONY between these two wolves. Allow me to provide example, drawing on my own life. For me, wolf number one is House of Gucci under Alessandro Michele, chaotically fabulous patterns and 60s and 70s mod psychedelia. It's a sexy cropped blazer with slack-shorts and designer loafers. The ~Adult and Fashionable~ me wears shift dresses with sheer tights, knee socks, and glimmering platforms every day, but in a very Untouchable Chic sort of way, you know? A bit of Gossip Girl attitude takes the whole thing a long way, if I do say so myself...

[enter wolf #2, stage left]

This bithc is STUPID. Wolf number two for me loves tutus, sparkles (glitters! rhinestones!), running around in The Nude, wearing mommy's high heels to dress up, playing in the dirt, dressing up as World of Warcraft characters, and pretending to be James St. James arriving at the 'ottest raves. I skate (okay I used to but I want to start up again I just almost died 1.5 yrs ago so I'm still a bit scared!!!) so I like to wear giant t-shirts and Soffe shorts like it's gym class. the Q is, how to allow these two wolves to mesh together in harmony...??? 

step 1: cool sunglasses 

don't worry about finding any sunglasses of a designer nature, although they can be cool (I have a couple of pairs myself!) they are by no means a requirement of chic. I got this pair for $5 from FiveBelow right by the Crown Heights Target in Brooklyn and have worn them almost every day since. The cute 60s mod cat eye frames combined with the dusty blue clear plastic (00s techno can u hear me???) are the perfect combination of styles 4 me. dusty earth-tones are IN and are the basis of all of my outfits !! no more all black (or very little at least)!! 

Personally I think the idea that black is the best base tone is just completely wrong. I prefer a crisp white neutral to a crisp black always, but lately I've been more into dusty blues, greys, and browns. I dressed an early 2000s thrifted party dress down with a white embroidered button-up I got at Iguana Vintage (or whatever) in Hollywood. Knee high socks in a soft beige to dress it up again and dirty Air Max 90s to bring it back to my perfect level. 

step 2: bday party extremes

I originally went to Kansas City (oh yah that's where I was btw!) to celebrate the bdays of two beloved friends of mine, which we successfully did with an epic Austin Powers themed soirée. To me, this was the perfect chance to feed the 1st wolf and go all out ridiculous 1960s modchic. 

Shirt: 70s vintage. Skirt: vintage Abercrombie & Fitch. Shoes: gifted Miu Miu. 

extra photos:

ben and fritz ever the glamorous party guests

Peter the birthday prince!

fritz on da vintage Italian couch

step 3: know thyself

Overall I can't stress enough that the most important part of combining and honing your personal style is listening to ur inner child and maybe fine tuning it with the sensibilities of your other wolf. that is, whatever your goal look is or whatever, make sure your inner child-wolf would be happy to wear what you're wearing. and yes, this is ALWAYS achievable regardless of your goal style! harmonious matrimony can be found!

bonus: 9/11 fashion

what is the meaning of everything? (end of summer mirror reflection)

what am I reading: The Ground Beneath Her Feet by Salman Rushdie

what am I listening to: I NEVER MEANT FOR THIS TO HAPPEN by Golden Boy, Bloom by Beach House

what am I watching: Gossip Girl *the new HBO Max season

philosophy

Here I am again, once again uprooted by my own bootstraps in the truest American way since the Beatniks changed perspectives from the quiet caul-de-sac to the ever-turning rubber wheel of fate. The asphalt road of Self-Determination lies unfurling before me, and seizing the day feels good!

That is, of course, until I realized this fall's antidote to the somewhat ill-advised and hasty Hot Girl Summer of lore is an Introspective Autumn, a deep-seated processing of everything that came before it and a serious possibility of becoming a full-blown hermit in the meantime. Acceleration occurred so quickly, rushing through the doors with so much vim and vigor that my emotional core kay scrambling while my still-cooking prefrontal cortex leaped from one exciting and un-interpretable event to the next (like those big mushrooms you bounce on in Mario Kart to get across an endlessly deep and terrifying chasm of darkness). 

What is the meaning of all of this? I find myself asking. It's a question I never struggled with before, because I understood that there was none, that the world is itself what we make it to be. But the Big Deep Slow, that cosmic and everyday deceleration of life to the fraction, that moving through honey molasses and tar I experienced in quarantine I, that changed my outlook, shook it up, slowly. Because what if we're living in excess, but not just of wealth, not just of material goods, but of speed, of acceleration, of heat, of rapid fire consumption and joy and onto the next and we're missing the whole other side of life that balances everything because it requires a shift to the slow--

Yin and yang, sine and cosine, hot and cold, up and down. Everything balances on these sets of polarities, and naturally everything in-between must exist as well. The peaks are most intense, but intensity is the opposite of balance. And we've been burning towards a heat-death of entr0py as quickly as we possibly can. The more quickly we consume, the more quickly time passes. Every day I experience something which could feed the mind for a week. Each day I read more information than has ever been available for immediate consumption before. I see more, read more, should know more, but without taking pause I find that I seem to understand less and less. 

And so it came as a brief surprise (but not very much) that when I finished moving into my Crown Heights apartment, when I had broken down the last box and hung the last dress on the clothes rack, that I was still not interested in going. Going anywhere outside of the three blocks nearest my house, going out, going anywhere. Call it growing up, maturation, or just meditation, but for one of the first times in my life, I felt not antsy, nor FOMO, nor the itchy little ants in the pants that cause all sorts of irrational (but fun!) decisions to be made. 

Have I really always lived like this? Hopping from one thing to the next, day after day after day? When did I process anything? I find myself wondering if I truly know how, because some emotions unfold more delicately than rice paper, and some require the patience of a master much wiser than me, an eyesight more keen than I have yet developed. I feel as if I have all this time been drunk, and only just now sobered enough to see it, that I was born speeding and never slowed down. Piecing together the bits of days before, marveling at how I twirled from point A to point B and on and on again, inventing new letters of the alphabet when needed to avoid ever ever ending the dance.

All of this to say I wish to make room for reflection. I have glutted on fancies and experiences and eyefuls more rich and more rare than the most opulent king's, all by pursuit of my own love and truth and whimsy. I feel I have shed my skin thrice over like a lizard and been reborn stronger each time, with new shiny scales to give away like Rainbow Fish. Acceleration will come again -- it is already coming. Shaken from my resting bough like an autumn leaf not quite ripe enough to fall, and yet rustled too heavily by the wind to stick, I have drifted on metal wings to Kansas City, MO, and will be here for another week before returning to my own nest. But for now, I shall reflect, and share some photos with you all.

experience 

Beginning work as an actor in the new Incitatus Films movie (working title Silicone Valley of the Dolls) set me off on a whole new kind of bender, both a bars-and-beershotcombos bender (my first true barfly bender) and an emotional, physical, fashionable bender. Something I like about out of body drug drags is how I always come out with a liberated sense of self, and also a new sense of style and makeup look to boot. 

I've been bitten by the apocalypse bug, the dirt-covered dirt-colored neutrals and rips and layers and cargo pants bug. Admittedly I always was halfway in, but I've fallen in love with brown and green tones again from my previous place of bright 60s Austin-Powers-core mod palettes. My new thing is a sharp Elizabeth Taylor Cleopatra-type sharp eyeliner and sheer brown lipstick-lipgloss hybrid by Nars. I'm in a surprising makeup everyday phase (same look, less than 10 minutes to do) most likely brought on by watching the "Jesus of Suburbia" music video too many times in June and July. 

I think the needed change (a sudden shift from the smudgy black smoky eye I've been doing since mid-May when I visited my best friends in Chicago) came as a result of filming on set everyday, in which my character has to wear a metric ton of kohl eyeliner and blue eyeshadow, red lipstick, foundation. Taking something that was my favorite look for a while and absolutely running it into the ground, if only because it started to feel like Lisa (my character) and not Sasha anymore. 

on set the first night of full ensemble filming!

Cast and crew call was almost every day at 5pm or 7pm, usually not wrapping up until 2am or 3am most nights... for three weeks the routine was wake up, avoid the reality of impending move to NYC (this was week one of august, and I moved week four?), go to set, wrap up, go to bar (if it's before last time) or go to Ken's porch (if it's after last call) or wait in the parking lot and drink and gripe about this and that and everything. Rinse and repeat. It felt like a dance that got faster and faster and desperately needed to stop so that everyone could get a grip on themselves just for a moment but as soon as we paused for a breather we felt lost, where to go now, who to see next? On two of my three days off in the first two weeks I wandered into set out of costume anyways, helping with set deck and waiting for moments to chat with cast and crew between takes because what else was I supposed to do? The whole movie felt like summer camp.

Strayer securing ice for the cast beers

Working hard on lines! Sarah Ben and Davis

Very scary prop puppet skeletons ahhhh

Sarah being epic and cool

Ken x Burrito AU

Highly rare Traylor in action

In the middle of all this, I also found myself in New York City for the i8i / Los Angeles takes NYC weekend! Perpetuating my being on a bender to continue to be on a bender in NYC. Waking up five hours after coming home from the Trans-Pecos Fitnesss gig and going to tour an apartment that we signed a lease on three days later. 

Our housing plans fell through so Lane and I got to NYC after the most grueling 8 hour bus ride of my entire life. I was wicked hungover from going out to Fuzzy Cactus the night before and staying out at the park all night, plus I forgot to bring my water bottle and the FlixBus doesn't stop at any rest stop -- here's a pro tip, always take the Panda Bus / Chinatown bus especially if you're going south of DC! Anyways, sweating out liquor and sleeping off headaches on a bus where the driver lurches to a stop every five minutes is not a good experience and I would highly recommend avoiding such a situation at any possible cost. Luckily, Coin and Elijah both offered their couches to us, so we did not have to buy an overpriced Jersey City hotel room or anything. 

me and lane one -- fuzzy cactus in richmond <3

coin and new monitor at trans pecos

they got in trouble for the indoor cig right after this lol

me and lane trans pecos!

the closest I got to an actual fit pic 

nardo and bayo <3

I also went to the Darkmart x Neurotek rave LA vs NYC on Friday night, and saw all of my other friends from Los Angeles and ended up in Greenpoint at sunrise drinking PBR and weeping because I ran into an ex I had never expected to see again while on Molly, but it wasn't that I cared to be with him again or something, I just never at any point expected to run into him there? So I was really caught off guard. But alas! C'est la vie and we're all just floating by, and what's the fun of life if you can't have a bit of an overdramatic cry on a beautiful studio rooftop sometimes?

Anyways, if there's more to say I'm sure I'll say it sometime, but for now I feel like I've had enough for this post. Hope you all enjoyed this installment, I'm sure I'll have more to say sooner rather than later! xoxo signing off stay glamorous and stay insightful! love u 

Sasha