i think the last year was kind of difficult for me.
i felt too seen all the time, i couldn't finish any albums (even though I've been sitting on a ton of stuff), i felt out of touch with music and life in general. i felt very clearly that my job was sucking the creativity and life out of me, and it seems that i was right, since i quit my job and have slowly been coming back to life, back to creativity, back to myself. but i wonder if i will ever establish a habit and a practice like i've wanted to. i could shed a tear thinking of all of the things i didn't write about on this blog, in any notebook, all of the drawings i didn't do and the art i didn't make. the music i didn't compose. but i guess there's no use crying over spilt milk -- i could spend the next few years lamenting the loss of the last year or two of thoughts from my head, or i could reestablish a practice. that's my advice to anyone reading this, by the way: don't hold yourself too hard to doing something perfectly or you won't do it at all. just keep doing stuff.
self-doubt and or regret aside, i'm just stopping in here in the middle of finishing up my CV for my graduate school application. can you believe it? i hit 27 years old, and like every other american 27 year old i planned a trip to east asia and decided i needed to go to grad school. but i stopped by this blog to cite that article i wrote about breakups, and i found myself realizing i want to keep writing.
so anyways, for the sake of time (and because i can always write more later), here's what i've been into right now:
- blue spring // nathan micay literally no idea this guy existed, rare algorithm W. reminds me of something i would make myself, so obviously i have a ton of respect (and maybe a little envy). truly genius
- geese. like the band, not the birds. resisted this a little bit for a long time but i admit it, they're fucking good, and cameron winter's voice is great. bands are back, baby!
- homestuck. again. (ironically, was on the last list i published in dec 2023 as well).
- one piece anime, since i'm caught up to the manga. and since i'm obsessed with zoro and sanji
- writing fanfiction. that's right everyone, i've finally decided to do it. obviously a one piece fanfiction, obviously zoro and sanji with other gay pairings too. i haven't written fanfiction in a long time, but i'm obsessed with that one post about fanfic that's written to be too specific like the one where sasuke works at the ottawa housing board, and i was thinking hell yea, i could do that. putting them into hilariously specific real world situations.
actually, taking a moment to go on a tangent here. i think something that's been coming to me recently is that art isn't about being a successful, marketable artist, it's about doing creative stuff that uplifts your spirit, that brings you joy, that's fun or cathartic or meaningful or some combo of the three. so i've been reevaluating the way i approach my creativity, and especially the arbitrary restrictions i've put on myself regarding what it is that i do, what it is i should do, can do, what's cringe, what's worth my time. as i get older and time feels more limited it can be hard to justify doing stuff that's unproductive. but that's how art becomes like a job, and becomes heavy when it can be light. so in thinking about it i realized there's a lot of joy and truth for me in pursuing a more ordered and deliberate approach to my old fujoshi ways, hehe. BIG THINGS COMING on that front (lowkey, hehe). youtube channel launch??
(list pt. 2)
- northernlion, especially the -dles
- girls. yes, the show by lena dunham . completely changed my life -- i had never seen it before
- balatro
- shin megami tensei 3
