long time no talk, hi hi hi, lots that has happened and yet less time has passed than I thought it would have by now. it's really true what they say about a New York minute... my life has shifted so grandly and so often for the last two months that I am in a near constant state of metamorphosis, and adapting at speeds I didn't know I could manage. I feel like im walking a very fine line between pleasure and pain??, because see there's been these moments of pure ecstasy, moments of alignment and happenstance and energy happening all the time, but there's also raw sadness. it's strange how those things can cancel out, like how fire and ice will make a lukewarm bath...
I've been pushing myself to the limit with the extravagant fun-having, though. foolishly forgetting to use my camera at many awesome events (foolish!!!!) but living in the moment so they say... finally getting better at staying through the rave and to the afters (have been practicing for that). have not, however, gotten better at hiding my post-rave self from my boss, I did just get reprimanded yesterday, but they're really cool about things for the most part and I'm doing my job (very glamorous! serving and bartending!) well so who cares?
I do have a confession to make. I've been kind of a flake. I've no-showed on friends more than once in the last couple of weeks and I'm not proud of it but it is so easy to get caught up in a rhythm once you're on a certain wave! this past weekend for instance i wanted to go to my coworker's musical performance but I ended up going to three raves and by the end of the third (into Sunday) I was so lost about what day was what that it completely slipped my mind and I ended up on sam and mica's couch watching the matrix all night. the thing about New York is that everyone does that and everyone is chasing their own vibe, and I think I know that, but it's hard to shake the guilt still when I fuck up ! whatever I think I'm too hard on myself cause I wouldn't ever blame anyone else for missing my shows and whateverrr
haven't been consuming any media really lately. I have been watching Mad Men actually, so that was a lie, but I've not really had the time to watch a lot of it. I think I like it, although I spend half the time turning to my roommate and saying "dude, can you IMAGINE?" (she can imagine). listening mostly back to my old dj mixes and to new music (scoping for future mixes). haven't really watched any good movies lately except for how I was reminded last night that the matrix is so wicked epic... just got new xbox controllers and my first serious paychecks since unemployment ended so I'm trying to get back into some video game action here soon too. but predominantly focusing on music production. yaaaa. backlogs and backlogs of collaborations or projects I've told people (including myself) that I would finish but I finally feel like I have the energy and drive and environment to really be doing it.. even though I am sitting here right now and stream-of-consciousness writing this blog post rather than doing production.
which reminds me of why I really sat down to write this post anyways -- does anyone know what it is about nyc and energy that makes it so that I've had less sleep in the last month than I have in maybe a year prior, and yet I'm more charged and ready to create than ever before? I swear I get three hours of sleep and feel more capable and energetic than I did when I was getting 9 hours a night. it's like being in high school again -- you know how in high school you would wake up at like 5:30am and then go to choir or swim practice or whatever before classes and then you would take 8 hours of classes and then you would do sports or theatre or something after school and then you would do homework and STILL somehow find time to play video games or make art or hang out on Skype with your friends or whatever??? that's what it's been like lately. very very strange and intense but a welcome intensity.
that being said I am going to try to take a brief nap now because I am so sleepy!!! ^__^ good afternoon good evening good night see you soon
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